I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
