never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
