apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
