trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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