Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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