grandma shit on top of the toilet
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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