Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize