I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's never too late to be topless.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
