the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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