Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
