ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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