I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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