I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My liver just had a heart attack.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
