there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom