I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.