i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
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There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.