One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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