had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
