Non-Jews are for practice
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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