Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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