i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
