I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We left the knife in your bed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
