I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
