I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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