she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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