i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
