Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
