Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
