I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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