Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
