but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
