Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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