maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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