I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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