Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
