His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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