ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
