my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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