Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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