I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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