I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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