hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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