I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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