I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
