I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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