I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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