Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont even know how to be here
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
