Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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