yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
