Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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