I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
