why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
