I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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