Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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