susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
