How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
