I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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