Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
