So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
